I just hung up from a facetime call with my mother who is obviously curious about my new life here. The things I talk about, the problems I have, the achievements I experience and all of the ups and downs in between are just so different from what she is used to hearing from me. I realise it myself as well, I am talking about things I have never considered, my mindset is shifting and as cheesey as it sounds... my horizons broadening!

I will be honest, there have been some difficult moments but maybe not where you think they might be. One of the hardest things I have been dealing with has been the staff. Having a cleaner (or housekeeper as we like to refer to her as), and a nanny.... not something I am used to at all. Before I get onto their working conditions and what they are teaching me about life, expectations and perceptions, just the fact that there is someone in my house ALL DAY LONG!! There is so rarely a moment when the house feels like mine. In actual fact, we are renting as well which i'm not great at and there is also a house manager (not employed by us), that lives here during the week. So there are a few things stacked against my feeling of my own space but still - there is always someone around. Even at night, there is an 'askari' who walks around the house with a torch and keeps us safe. In addition to there always being someone here... I also struggle with being 'that mom' who has all the help and can't look after the kids by herself etc etc. The judgement I feel from my family and friends back home is nothing compared to the judgement I am passing on myself. It's a luxury problem I know, but it is so so so hard to find that balance that you are happy with. Here there is a spectrum of those with minimal help and those who barely see their kids, although I know I am somewhere in the middle... where I want to be is so hard to define.

So the physical aspect is something I need to get used to and of corse it has it's benefits! But, the main struggle is the gap between our mindsets, the way we think, the expectations we hold of life and what can make us happy! My nanny walks three hours home every day, she works six days a week and wouldn't have it any other way. Before you judge me for not getting her transport home, it is her choice. We have factored her transport costs into her salary and have given her the choice on how she spends it. She CHOOSES to walk three hours home.

Where I see a problem, she just doesn't.

When I was looking for a housekeeper, I mentally and emotionally struggled with the low salary that the people around me suggested I offer. So I (without telling anyone) just offered people more. Still not a high salary by our standards but at least one and half or 2 times the 'normal' around here. I was initially happy because I thought I was helping but I was attracting a different kind of person, people saw me as 'the dumb expat' and started taking me for granted. They would tell me they needed some extra cash to help sick family members or ask for advances on their pay for their kids. I would later find out that they would be lying or at the very least exagerating the truth. It became a constant problem and I was in over my head. I couldn't afford it financially or emotionally and I was unable to trust the people that were in my house all day, often when I wasn't there. I had to fire people and it was hard... but I fired everyone and got advice from friends here, I needed to start again. I was honest about what I had offered and one friend in particular told me exactly what to do...

Ask the house manager (a local guy, employed by the landlord who has been working here for over 3 years), to find someone you can interview. Send him a written message that says very clearly the hours they will work, the salary that they will get which includes their transport to and from work (because we have no live-in space). The first lady that came was lovely, she was so grateful, smiled all the time, and she loves it here. She chooses to walk also, but lives not too far away and works hard. I am able to give her small bonuses every now and then and we look after her very well. She in turn looks after us and I trust her.

What I realise is that I am now able to employ two people rather than one. I am able to help them both, empower them with their own choices and look after them where I can. I have learnt that being able to trust people is worth so much and that being a grateful person is priceless. I am lucky to be born into the situation I was, there is no doubt about it. But these ladies would also consider themselves lucky, who am I to take that away from them. All I know is that they make me a happier, better version of myself. I am not always looking for more, I appreciate what I have and strive for what matters. I will forever remember these ladies and their incredible zest for life and how easy they make 'being happy' look.